Tuesday, April 29, 2008

TO WRITE: What a Disappointment
I'm back after a several-day hiatus brought on by a severe disappointment. As I described recently, my husband and I have been waiting for our assignment to a specific child we will be able to adopt very soon. The great news: We got darling photos and a report on an 18-month old little girl. The awful news a few days later: Her medical reports indicated she was at risk for very serious neurological and developmental disabilities. Our lives crashed.

Long story short: After days of research, second and third medical opinions, consultations, counseling and soul-searching, we declined to adopt the child. Our adoption agency strongly recommended that course of action, saying that she would very soon be adopted by a family trained and authorized for a special needs child, which we are not. Meanwhile, we'll be assigned another little one soon.

I've felt as depressed lately as I have in over a year, and my husband and I have been terrified that I'll really slide seriously. However, we got away from the Bay Area and spent several days hiking in the Sierras last week. Near a river rushing with melting snowpack, with wildflowers coming up everywhere, we created a small ritual, telling this child we'll never meet that we love her and won't forget her, and letting her go. And we began to heal.

Play with this. . .
Think of a significant disappointment you've faced in the past. Write continuously for 20 minutes, describing the situation and your thoughts and feelings about it. (Remember, describing both your thoughts and feelings has been shown to be more healing than just writing about one.) Then describe how you have coped with that disappointment. Did you talk with someone, take some concrete action, let time slowly soften the feeling?

Keep in mind too that you have survived and, by the very fact that you're here, it's clear that you've coped or you're coping with the situation. That thought has helped me lately. It hurts sometimes, but I'm still moving on. -- Beth


BPD in OKC said...

I'm so very sorry that happened. I can't imagine how much pain you must feel right now. I'll be praying for the little girl and for you to find a child soon.

Dragonfly said...

So sorry to hear that. Will be praying for you guys.

teabird said...

Oh, I am so sorry - you must have been in love with the child already, and to have this happen -

(consider your hand squeezed)

(teabird / ravelry_