TO READ: Joyous Holidays!
To those of you kind readers and writers who celebrate Christmas, I send greetings for a merry one.

To all, I wish a new year filled with ever-better health and new satisfactions.

Writing will be an important part of maintaining my mental health in the new year; I hope it will assist you as well.

Here's to 2008!
Love,
Beth

TO WRITE: Caring, creating, believing, living. . .
I recently came across the following quote from author and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel:


"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."


Play with this. . .
What can I add to this stunning statement? I suggest you use it as your writing prompt in one of three ways: Write in response to the quote; write a letter to the author of the quote; write from one word/phrase/sentence that you choose from the quote.

Personally, I think I'll write on the subject of indifference itself, and where I notice it in my life and particularly in my depression. Writing about this quote in any way should help break down the indifference that may stifle us at times.

TO WRITE: The Rewards of Using Your Brain
An article in today's New York Times describes how people who use their minds frequently in intellectual and social ways have much lower rates of Alzheimer's disease and dementia. The idea is that by challenging our brains we build up "cognitive reserve" -- extra nerve cells and the connections between them. Then as we age and the likelihood of brain pathology increases, these extra neurons can compensate, leaving us more able to recall names and dates and think well in general. (Remember, those of us with mood disorders already have some structural changes going on in our brains, so this might be extra important for us.)

There are many activities believed to be useful in building cognitive reserve. Doing crosswords and Sudoku puzzles, learning a new language, working with computers, attending plays and concerts, working and traveling have all been identified as activities of older people who have clear thinking. Even knitting can be helpful, it's thought -- as long as you continue to challenge yourself with new techniques and patterns rather than repeating the same old things all the time. You need to introduce new mental challenges in order to reap the benefits.

Play with this. . .
What is the most rewarding thing you do with your brain? If you're taking a class or going to the museum with friends or playing challenging board games, terrific. If you're not, well. . . maybe you should increase the amount of writing you do each week?

For now, describe in writing the most rewarding things you've done with your brain in the past, and what you're doing now. Then consider any activities you might want to explore, including what writing projects you might want to work on. Is now the time to write the first scenes of that screenplay you've been mulling over? What about pulling out that notebook of poems and adding to it? As they say, this is another case of "use it or lose it."

TO WRITE: Your Memory
The New York Times ran a story this morning about chimpanzees who have better short-term memories than humans. Wow. We arrogant humans like to think we're better than all the rest in the thinking department. But when chimps and humans played a computer game in which numbers in randomly placed squares were flashed at them, and they were asked to indicate the squares in numeric sequence, the chimps bested us when the numbers were flashed very quickly. Their short-term memories were stronger.

Memory is being studied a lot lately, perhaps because so many baby-boomers are reaching an age when they begin noticing problems finding words and names. But we with mood disorders know a lot about memory problems already. If the depression doesn't cause difficulties in recall, it seems to be the medicines we take or, in some cases, the ECT we've had.

Play with this. . .
Describe your own memory function. Do you have any problems? Have they changed since you were younger, or perhaps since you've been ill or had certain treatments? Do you have any stories or examples? And how is the memory of those you know -- has this affected your relationship with aging parents, for example? Try to write continuously for 20 minutes; if you feel you've "finished" before that time is up, go ahead and descibe one of your own very vivid memories.

TO WRITE: An Old Friend. . .
During a Thanksgiving trip to my state of origin, Wisconsin, last week, my husband and I had lunch with one of my dearest old friends. Julie and I have known each other since we were in the sixth grade. We walked to school together, since we lived only a block apart, played in the high school band and orchestra together, roomed together for a year in college, and traveled together to Europe. Although we're half a continent away from each other now, we still manage to keep in touch with email, birthday cards, and a visit every now and then.

The three of us talked incessantly and laughed loudly during our entire couple of hours together, as though we'd been apart a few days, rather than a year and a half. And it occurred to me that perhaps the reason this relationship has stood the test of time is not so much the history we have in common, but the way we interact. Each of us questions the other intensely, and we are all good listeners. We genuinely care what goes on in the life and the mind of each other. We spent time brainstorming ways for Julie's new business idea to get off the ground, but my husband got to tell of his latest work adventures too; I got to discuss my writing and we all lamented the slowness of our pending adoption.

While some old friendships have, of course, faded over the years, I feel blessed to have several of these rewarding relationships that have matured over time. They bring joy and a sense of solidity to my life -- these friends are people I have chosen to have relationships with, and our shared history provides comfort and a sense of place.

Play with this. . .
Write continuously for 20 minutes about an old friend -- whether or not you are still in contact. Was it your first-grade jump-roping partner? Your high school best buddy or prom date?

Describe your relationship as it was then, and what you gained from it. If you still know the person, how has the relationship changed and how has it remained the same? If you no longer have contact, consider whether he or she is someone you'd like to look up and talk with.

I'M BACK!

Dear readers and writers,

I thank you all for your patience as this blog has been on hiatus for several weeks. My happy news is that the manuscript for my book, Writing through the Darkness: Easing Your Depression with Paper and Pen, is done! It took quite a few long days and long nights near the end to finish it, but now it's out of my hands, except for reviewing a copy edit. It will be published in June by Ten Speed Press.

The other really wonderful news is that I did not become sick, in mind or body, during these stressful weeks. I don't know why, but I do believe that the personal writing I did during breaks from the book writing was a big help in managing my depression. Hopefully your writing is sustaining you as well, and some new writing ideas from me will help stimulate us all.

I'm grateful for you all. Happy Thanksgiving!

Beth

And, in the meantime, some news...

NEW WEBSITE TO CHECK OUT: www.mcmanweb.com is the site of John McManamy, a writer who focuses on bipolar research. I get his twice-monthly online newsletter, where he describes cutting-edge science in a way understandable by all. You can subscribe for free on his site, as well as checking into several other interesting features. I recommend it, whether you're living with bipolar or depression.

NEW WRITING OPPORTUNITY: www.bphope.com is the site for the magazine bp (that's "bipolar"). I subscribe to the paper version of the magazine, and recommend it, as long as you're willing to look past some ads for psych meds. On the site, you will also find several opportunities to write and have your words published in various ways. A regular feature asks you to offer your opinion on a current topic. Move quickly: if you write in now about what you are thankful for, you may make it into their 11/21 online Thanksgiving edition. While you're at the site, you can also sign up for their Hope & Harmony Headlines email list. AND...

DEPRESSION MAGAZINE TO DEBUT SOON: According to bphope.com, a new magazine for coping with depression and anxiety, esperanza, is coming soon. You can sign up for the premiere edition there too.

So what can you do with your writing?
"KL" left a comment yesterday saying that s/he has written a book/journal on her/his bipolar experience, and asking what to do with it. Here are some thoughts....

1) Have you shared any of it with others close to you? This is a very personal decision, of course, but you may want to think about how it would feel to allow others to read or listen to some of your words. In some cases, this can help a loved one, friend, doctor or therapist to better understand your experiences and concerns, and can even help you connect with those people. If you're feeling uncertain about this, think about starting by just sharing a page or two of your writing. Also, it may feel safest to begin by sharing with your mental health care professional, then discussing how it would be to share with others.

2) If you're thinking about sharing your work with a wider audience by publishing it in some form, you'll probably have the most luck by starting with small portions of your book, and by looking at specialized mental health publications or websites. The Awakenings Project (link at the right side of this page) accepts submissions of writing by mental health care consumers such as us for publication in their literary journal Awakenings. I've published some poetry there, and they put out a lovely magazine/journal. See the site or contact them about when the next issue will be published.

Keep your eye on the NAMI and DBSA websites and publications too (links at right). They sometimes offer contests for writing about mental illness. (Darn! NAMI's ended today.) (I think DBSA is still accepting art and film on depression and bipolar in a related contest.) Also, these two organizations often accept consumer's writing about their illness experience for their state or local newsletters, so get on the list for those or call and ask if they'll take submissions. I published an article in the California NAMI newsletter several months ago.

If you check around mental health websites, I think you'll find some places to share your words too, whether by publishing articles or by more informal journal postings. This can be a nice way to communicate with others coping with mood disorders. NOTE: If you find any good sites like this, please let me know! I'll be researching this soon for my upcoming book, Writing through the Darkness: Easing Your Depression with Paper and Pen, due out in spring next year. (OK, I had to get in a plug!)

Finally, you can start looking at publishing articles drawn from your journal in general-audience publications. Again, your best bet is to start with smaller ones, and work your way up.

KL and others, let me know what you do with your writing. It can be so valuable in helping both you and others you might decide to share it with.

Best regards,
Beth

TO WRITE: Is That Really Reasonable?
I believe I'm a reasonable person most of the time. OK, reasonably reasonable. But what is "reason"? A student offered this writing topic the other day, and I was intrigued, especially about reason's role in our mental health.

Is reason just what you used to solve geometry problems in high school? I don't think so. I believe reason -- thinking things through -- comes into play at every moment of our lives. And I believe it affects our depression too. The thoughts we use to interpret the world we live in, and the decisions we make on how to act all require reason as well as emotion.

Using reason to battle depression: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is known to relieve depression by helping a person to identify her immediate thoughts about something, to evaluate them, and to change them if they are unrealistic. When I learned about it, for example, I saw that I tend to do "either-or thinking" -- that is, I see things in black and white sometimes. Once I knew this, I could begin to change it, to use reason to replace distorted thinking patterns with more realistic, healthier ones. In my case, I could tell myself, "This event isn't all good or all bad; it has elements of both, so I don't need to be so extremely upset about it." Working this out could leave me feeling less disturbed or depressed.

Play with this. . .
Do you rely on reason or emotion more when you interpret a difficult event you're involved with? How about when you think about your own role in that event? Write continuously for 20 minutes, describing how you logically reasoned your way through, or reacted with a gut feeling, when something occurred that seemed depressing.

Then reflect: Were you satisfied with the balance of reason and emotion you used to react? Is that balance typical for you? Do you want to adjust it at all? Note: If you want to further explore this issue, there are some great workbooks on CBT available at bookstores, or you could ask your health care professional about a referral to a CBT-trained therapist.

TO WRITE: A Gift You've Given
I've never handed my mom $5 million, or given my husband the keys to a Ferrari, much as all three of us might like that. Still, I have given lots of Christmas and birthday presents over the years. And I hope I have given more than that too. What comes to mind when you ponder gifts you've given to someone?

Was there something chosen with great thought? Something handmade? Something old and sentimental? A personal letter or card with kind words?

When I look at gifts from a larger perspective, I hope I've helped a few people to learn things in my various teaching positions. If you're a teacher of any kind, you've certainly got this covered. I think I've helped a few younger people, such as nephews, to see more of the world and discover their own ideas and thoughts. If you're a parent, you've surely given enormously of this gift.

Play with this. . . .
Write continuously for 20 minutes on a gift you've given someone. Tell the story of what happened and how it felt during and after the giving. Also consider what it meant to the recipient, how it was received, and what it meant to you.

After you write, identify how you feel. Pleased? Proud? Unsure? Disappointed? Angry? How does this make you feel about giving in the future? Perhaps there are unsaid complements you'll want to write and send. Perhaps you'll find you have been hurt and you want to stop giving to this person. You may want to write for another 10 minutes or so on these feelings and plans.

TO WRITE: An "Aha!" Moment

We've all had them, though for me they don't come quite as often as I'd like: moments of sudden clarity, insight, or understanding.

For me, these flashes often occur either during a dream, or just as I'm awakening from some important-feeling dream. I suppose that mysterious sub-conscious mind is working overtime to get the message up to the surface where I can identify it. But I've also had "aha" moments when studying complicated calculus formulas or biochemical cycles. Somehow, sometimes, that period of long, arduous concentration pays off when it all clicks.

For those of us battling mood disorders, it's always important to be open to new insights about what troubles us and what we can do about it. For example, it took me a long time to figure out why I frequently belittled myself about a particular past event -- then it dawned on me one day that perhaps another person bore some responsibility there too. This was a moment of great relief for me, as well as a time of bewilderment: Why didn't I think of that before?

Play with this. . .
Write continuously for 20 minutes on a time you felt a moment of clarity or insight. What was it about? Did something special trigger it? How did it feel?

Then consider: What does this incident tell you about yourself or the particular ways your unique mind thinks and feels? Was the flash you described useful for you? Are there any ways you could replicate the situation in order to invite more such insights? (Personally, I think I will return to my old habit of recording my dreams in the mornings!)

TO WRITE: What do you believe in?
You probably believe in loads of things. . . that we need parity for mental health insurance; that our friends should understand that we have an illness, not a weakness; that fudge brownie ice cream is the best; maybe that there are monsters under the bed.

Here's your chance to convince me, or the reader of your choice, of those deep-seated feelings and ideas. Consider your spiritual beliefs, your political positions, your feelings about depression, your relationships, your activities, your basic wants and likes. Are there any old childhood beliefs that come to mind? Any places where you differ greatly from those around you?

To play with. . .
You can start by writing a list of 100 things you believe in (yes, that's 100), as suggested by Kathleen Adams in her book Journal to the Self. Or, if ideas are already flooding your mind, feel free to simply start writing about these beliefs. Don't get too cerebral - some of the statements that come up might be startling or feel contradictory, and this is fine. Just let yourself write passionately. Write continuously for 20 minutes and convince me of how you feel on these topics.

Then reread your writing. What do you find - any surprises in your list? Any surprises in how passionately your felt? And are there any ways you might use this information to make small or large changes in your life? Perhaps this exercise will help trigger a discussion with someone close to you, or help you make a life decision.

TO WRITE: Being Alone

Personally, I need alone time--sometimes a lot of it. It keeps my mood more stable, my stress level lower, I can be more creative, and a few more items typically get checked off my to-do list when I have it. And I'm usually happy alone.

Of course, I'm something of an introvert, and I understand from extroverted friends that their alone time isn't always necessary or even welcome. Unlike mine, their inner fires are stoked by being with people, whether one-on-one or at the big parties I sometimes dread.

All of us must also deal sometimes with loneliness, a related state.

Play with this...
Write continuously for 20 minutes on being alone. Do you embrace it or merely tolerate it when it occurs? Do you feel invigorated or lonely? If lonely, is it just for an hour or so, or do you feel it in terms of your larger life issues?

When you've considered these issues, what can you learn about yourself? Are there changes you can make in how you spend your time? Would a few minutes with a cup of coffee before the family wakes up make it a better day? Do you want to work at getting involved with more people and groups? Are there old friends you'd like to make contact with? Large or small, sometimes changes such as these can have a significant effect on our moods.

To Write: Seeing the World Anew

"We must learn to see the world anew." -- Albert Einstein

I'm always intrigued to see what this true genius had to say about daily life as well as about quantum physics, and this quote recently caught my eye. I'm curious about whether his special insight extended to the "real world." In this quote, I think it did, whether he intended it to or not. I have no idea if this line was referring to a Unified Theory or to the experience of everyday awakening to what is around us. Regardless, it seems beautiful, even spiritual, advice.

What would I like to see anew in my world? Small things, like the little gifts on my desk right now -- the heart paperweight from Mom, the silly magnet from brother Mark about me drinking too much coffee. People thought about me and chose these tokens just to fit me. I see that I could appreciate these important people more.

I'd like to see lots of bigger things anew too, of course. I take for granted the tan foothills outside my window, when I could be embracing their presence and hiking their trails much more often. And bigger still, I want to savor and be open to my current good health. Though I don't want to dwell on previous difficult years, I do need to compare and remind myself frequently of the joy and opportunities I have today when I'm able to think and write and laugh. Furthermore, I should look at my life anew, especially when so many others are hungry or at war. I did nothing to deserve being is this place with so many benefits -- the fates landed me here. If I look at these things anew, I feel many things, but gratefulness in particular.

Play with this...
What does this Einstein quote mean to you? Do you think of being open-minded to scientific theories or artistic expression or solving world problems, or do your thoughts tend toward your daily life and the things and people in it? How does your current state of health or illness play into this? Is there any way you could frame this situation to see it anew in a more positive light -- perhaps through what you've learned on your journey? Write continuously for 20 minutes and see what you see anew in your words.

TO WRITE: "Positive Psychology" Interventions for Depression
In the last few years, the new field of "positive psychology" has been sweeping through college classrooms, huge research studies, popular books, and the cover of Time magazine. This innovative approach to the ways we think and feel is aimed at increasing happiness, whereas traditional psychology has decreased unhappiness.

Dr. Martin Seligman of the U. of Pennsylvania is a pioneer in positive psychology. His website --authentichappiness.org -- states that, "Positive psychology interventions... lastingly decrease depression symptoms." Now this is worth pursuing!

In one study, he found that people who rated "severely depressed" on a written test improved in one week to the mild-to-moderate level of symptoms. In fact, 94% of these people decreased in depression! So what did they do?

Play with this...
Each night for one week, write down three things that went well that day and why they went well. That's all.

If you want, take the depression symptoms questionnaire on the authentichappiness.org website before and after, and see what your own mini-experiment finds. (There are many other interesting questionnaires you can take there for free, including those measuring character strengths and routes to happiness.)

At he end of the week, I suggest you write for 10-20 minutes on how you feel now compared to before you began, and what you think of this "Three Blessings" exercise. Is it useful for you? Did you enjoy it, or was it a drag? Do you think you'll continue this practice?

NOTES: Do NOT use this technique to replace your current treatments! Don't throw away your medicines. This study, as I have read it, had not yet been done with controls, and there was NO diagnosis of major depression made -- they only studied "depression symptoms."

TO WRITE: Being outside
Have you noticed? It's summer! (OK, at least here in the U.S. -- if you're in the midst of winter where you are, just adapt this for your clime.) It's sunny and bright here in Northern California this morning, and I'm thinking it might be fun to walk to the nearly regional park after class today. But the half-written chapter on my desk will probably call me back.

Are you celebrating the weather by spending time at the beach, the lake, the strip of grass outside your door? Are you a forest person, a desert person, a mountain person -- or would you really rather sit in the living room with a book? (That's OK too.)

Personally, while I love the snowy winters I grew up with in Wisconsin -- up to a point -- I get most excited when it's a bit warmer, like this, and I can hike on a forested mountain trail. Watching for wildflowers and animals as I climb beside a gurgling stream with tall pines overhead is as wonderful as it gets for me.

Play with this...
Choose some type of outdoor space and write continuously for 20 minutes, beginning with "In a forest, I am. . . " (fill in whatever word is appropriate for the site you have in mind). This might be a spot you love or hate or are afraid in, one you're near everyday, or one you dream of visiting.

Then consider: How does it feel to write about this location? What can you do to feel well emotionally based on this writing? Does it confirm that you're a contented indoor type who despises mosquitoes, or does it trigger ideas about where to stroll this afternoon or camp this weekend?

TO WRITE: Responsibility
"Responsibility"means many things -- I know, I admit I looked at the thesaurus after a student recommended this topic. My first thought had been about "taking" responsibility, being the conscientious one who steps forward and is accountable when a task needs to be done. But we also use the word when we lay blame ("Kids, who is responsible for this mess?"), or assign trustworthiness ("Beth would never make a mess; she's very responsible").

What does responsibility mean to you? For me, in the larger sense, it indicates a sense of rightness, of standing up for what I believe in, even in the face of intense opposition. It is an inner compass that reminds me of what truly matters to me -- like ending the war; like trying to live more sustainably; like treating people fairly.

Play with this. . .
Write continuously for 20 minutes on the topic of "responsibility" and what it means to you -- whether it's finding a baby sitter you're comfortable with, or protesting for civil rights, or taking proper care of your mental health.

After you write, consider what your thoughts and feelings on this topic indicate about you. Do you feel overly responsible for things? Do you tend to shirk duties? Are there ways you would like to manifest more responsibility for certain areas in your life? All of these issues play into my self-image, and thus my mental health, I'm sure. Are there ways you could adjust "responsibility" in your life and improve your mood in the process?

TO WRITE: Wishes and Dreams
Are you a shopaholic? A collector? Do you dream of a different home, more money, a new job?
Even if you don't consider yourself very materialistic, I think all humans have wishes about things they'd like. A way to end the war? Enough food for everyone? Peace of mind?

I know my list includes items big and small. I had my eye on a new laptop for quite a while before buying it, but going to the mall depresses me (really). And it's very hard for me to watch TV news without aching for ways to mend all our problems. There are many days when just an extra hour of time to work or to read for pleasure would be fantastic.

Play with this:
Write continuously for 20 minutes starting with the phrase: If only I had...
You can come back to this phrase in your writing as many times as you like.

What sorts of items did you come up with? Are any of them readily attainable? Are any worth planning and working toward? Do any of them give you insight into your mental health? You may even want to write another 10 minutes on the answers to these questions.

TO WRITE: If I Weren't Doing This...
Do you work? Even if your depression has interrupted your work life, you may identify with a certain occupation you once held. Whether you're a corporate VP right now or a mechanic on sick leave, a retired salesperson or a former astronaut -- or even if you've never been paid to work --you've had jobs. Weren't you a student in high school? Have you been a homemaker, a gardener, a cook? Have you ever mowed the lawn or helped a child or walked a dog?

Now that you've thought about what you've done in the past, consider what things you'd love to do in the future. Imagine you could do anything, starting tomorrow -- whether or not you think you have the experience or education for it. What occupation do you dream of?

My friends may be surprised to learn that I've always secretly yearned to be a long-haul truck driver. I suppose the solitude to think as I watch the miles of America roll by somehow calls to me. It's certainly unlike anything I've done professionally before!

Play with this...
Write continuously for 20 minutes on: An alternate occupation I'd love to try....

Let the sky be the limit (or don't, and go for that astronaut job). How about a sculptor or a real estate mogul? An Olympic swimmer or -- oh, the irony! -- a psychiatrist? Describe how it would feel to be working, where you would go each morning, what you dream of doing on the job.

After you re-read your writing, consider how your mood might be affected by this new position. Are there healthy aspects of this type of work that you could implement now? Is this dream job something you might want to actually pursue -- and what steps would you need to take? Does your writing shed any light on how you've felt about work you've done in the past or are doing now? Is there any other job you'd also love to investigate? Write that one out too!

TO WRITE: Darkness and Light
In English, we use the words "dark" and "light" to describe a myriad of things, including paint on the walls, lamps, our thoughts, and our moods. But have you ever considered the concept more broadly?

For visual artists, the degree of light in a work is often a key aspect of the piece as a whole. Should the landscape painting feature a sunrise or be under ominous cloud bank? What do the shades of color in an abstract work indicate? What mood is implied by the shadows of a portrait?

In one of my favorite writing books, Wild Mind, author Natalie Goldberg discusses with a friend how everything can have these attributes, including watermelon (light, they conclude), friendship (very dark and scary), Minnesota (real dark), and death (light and dark). "As we talked more, dark transformed," she writes. "Dark became good and bad. It became energetic, fertile, less scary, more desirable."

Play with this...
Write continuously for 20 minutes, starting simply with the topic of "darkness and light," and see where it takes you. Really let your mind go, beyond the traditional categories we tend to use. What do the concepts mean to you, how do you apply them, and how could you think about them differently? And is friendship or watermelon dark or light for you?

Then read what you've written. What ideas or words are the most exciting to you? Start with one of those and write 20 more minutes, going deeper into your mind. Afterward, consider carefully how this kind of writing feels to you. Were you surprised where you writing went? Did it begin to flow automatically, without effort? And -- how did this feel to you emotionally? Whatever you find, keep what you've learned in mind when you write in the future.

TO WRITE: The Wisdom of Youth
What did you know when you were a kid? A lot, you probably thought at the time, if you were like me. But what do you now think as you look back on your childhood days? Our experiences were limited, but perhaps our wisdom was right on. And what does our state of knowing back then say about our mood now?

Play with this. . .
Write continuously for 20 minutes on: In fifth grade, I thought....
Did you have strong beliefs about how the world worked when you were ten or so? (I was seriously questioning both the existence of God and the need for school.) As you left elementary school and headed for junior high, did you have misconceptions that in retrospect are funny or surprising? (Did you know where babies come from?) What views did you hold about yourself and your family? What were your plans for the future? (Any firemen or veterinarian wannabes out there?)

Looking back at your writing, consider how your mood was then -- already showing signs of depression, or still innocently happy? If depressed, try writing some more on this period of your life, but consciously change the circumstances you describe so that you are pleased with the result. If you were in good spirits as a kid, are there any lessons there for you now, such as specific activities that brought you joy, and that might again?